TITANFALL: Transformers Fitter Cousin.

I thought I'd sneak in a game review today as it's consumed most of my available time this week. Y'see, most First Person Shooters tend to provide virtual counselling for pre-pubescent teenagers, who can agitatedly sit and vent every expletive and derogatory slur they’ve learned from the Jeremy Kyle show, at a total stranger. And, for the most part, this is liberating for them. But, when online gamers heard news there was a brand new FPS which involved “like, bare transformers...”, they rushed out and pinched the cheapest litre of cider they could find to celebrate, before spying on their fit next door neighbour. 

TITANFALL is its name, and gosh, it’s pretty damn excellent…for everyone! Created by new indie developer, Respawn Entertainment; you play as “pilot” (original) who has the ability to use jet-packs, run horizontally across walls, use cloaking devices, oh, and summon giant metallic Titans from space which rocket down to earth which you can climb inside and tear up battle zones, Godzilla -style!! Yes, and it’s very cool. 

“Titans” are brilliant fun with huge cannons, and shields which can absorb bullets and hurl them right back at the opposition. You’ve up to 12 human players to abuse within each map zone, and a great variety of mission modes to keep matches feeling fresh. These vary from Capture the Flag to Last Titan Standing, which will be great for novices who never really leaped on the COD or Battlefield bandwagon as it denies the Pros the chance to perfect their game so quickly. However, if your copies been delayed in the post, unlucky. 4days in and everyone's amazing at it now so you may as well get back to Tinder-time.

And it's not surprising it's stormed the pre-order charts. This is a billion dollar market saturated by two big swines a la BeBop and Rocksteady, and TITANFALL brings new hope to the more casual gamer. It offers exciting opportunity to experiment as your level develops with each game, unlocking different customisation options for both pilot and Titan load outs, with each featuring distinct characteristics to enhance your performance. You can also collect "burn cards" which increase certain stats, such as boosting shield duration, damage caused and running speeds throughout the beautifully designed landscapes, which look incredible courtesy of Next Gen graphics. 

It’s the minor additions to TITANFALL which really add to the experience though. Sorry, there aren’t any Megatron boss battles in which Shia Leboeuf hopefully gets obliterated. But, that’s because there isn’t a calamitous campaign mode which tries to cram some form of coherent story into a mere 4hrs of game time. TITANFALL simply focuses on what everybody cares about most; online. There are even great moments such as the “retreat” element upon defeat where you'll have to rush back to your rescue ship or hunt down yellow bellies against the clock, to earn a few essential points.

It’s the little touches which separate TITANFALL from its peers and make it the most sought after Xbox exclusive for quite some time. Oh, and the Titans. Definitely those big shiny robots too. 


TITANFALL receives 4/5 Macho Man Randy Savages because its cut my FPS rage-quitting down by at least 7% which is great for the flat below mine.