These very same expletives fell from my mouth each and every time the credits rolled across all 62 mesmerising episodes of arguably the greatest TV show in modern history. Breaking Bad is...well, what hasn't been said already?
At first, it appeared to be a rather comical caper involving a man who in almost every image captured from Season 1 (see above), was standing by a Winnebago pointing a pistol dressed in work shoes and Y-fronts. People were baffled that Bryan Cranston, the "Dad from Malcolm in the Middle", could be anything but a pushover to his wife and their 3 oddly shaped children. I too made a quick association as I recognised Aaron Paul from 2002s Van Wilder: Party Liaison as the high-as-a-kite Californian kid who'd been copping off with multiple chicks in a broom cupboard.
I could spend hours attempting to weave an accurate interpretation of the 5 stellar seasons which have since made US television tyrannosaurus, AMC, the entertainment equivalent of slum dog millionaire Wayne Rooney; the risk that paid dividends. Not one network wanted the pilot season. Showtime, ABC, FOX; they all passed on it. And what fools they were. Breaking Bad has effectively changed the way in which we now watch television. A sweeping statement? I don't think so.
Social media has grown exponentially these last few years (you can find out just how much on the TV show I present, Planet of the Apps, which is a terribly obvious plug on my part but a justified one), as has the furtherance of TV on Demand. Netflix, LoveFilm, Amazon Prime to name but a few overtook the market behemoth Blockbuster which is now a smoking ghost ship left slowly plunging to the bottom of the Home Entertainment Ocean. Original television series such as House of Cards and Orange is the New Black are being effectively commissioned by streaming sites; something Sean Parker could have only dreamt of back in his parent's garage.
Breaking Bad was a Netflix exclusive in the UK airing the final series of episodes which had premiered in the states, a matter of hours beforehand. And it was big. Crazy big. I for one fell victim to the pilgrimage which was quickly happening across the land to almost every TV owner - "Have you seen Breaking Bad? Yeah. Have you? No. WTF?! What's wrong with you!!?" This happened everywhere, even mothers in supermarkets began fighting in aisles whilst their children stripped off and wrestled in nappies wielding Oreo grenades. Probably.
Walter White and Jesse Pinkman are the 21st centuries most accurate representation of a generational bond a la Doc Brown and Marty McFly, except the Plutonium is Crystal Meth and the DeLorean is a caravan. It's a story of survival, whatever the cost. Walt is presented with a problem and he chooses to fight, instead of lying down and accepting his fate. That's the best thing about the show, you root for all the bad people because fundamentally, they're trying to better themselves and those around them. The cast are all fabulous in their own right - Anna Gunn as Skylar, Dean Norris as Hank, Betsy Brandt as Marie and RJ Mitte as Walt Jr. provide the incredibly engaging but dysfunctional family you can't help but love yet pity.
Set in the bleak and roasting cactus-laden desert of Albuquerque, New Mexico all kinds of rather outrageous situations present themselves the deeper Walt and Jesse get into the criminal underworld with Cranston's alias, Heisenberg, taking over the man once given only months to live after being diagnosed with lung cancer; the catalyst behind the entire cooking meth and becoming a suburban kingpin.
However, it wasn't Walt that single-handedly drove this story. In my eyes, the most intriguing character is Jesse. Here's a young weed-smoking drop-out who starts out with a stereotypically teenage eagerness to get rich or die tryin' but is forced to deal with loss, love, addiction and pain without the grounding of a family which Walt has, and often justifies his immoral behaviour by. Walt uses him time and time again, sometimes for Jesse's own good, but often to cover his own deceit and misgivings which is exhilarating to watch unfold. Cranston and Paul are magnificent.
I mustn't forget the cast of foes and alliances though who also play a hugely pivotal part in their tale. His crooked lawyer, Saul Goodman. Cold-blooded killing duo, the Salamanca twins. "Cleaner" Mike Ehrmantraut. And arguably most influentially, Los Pollos Hermanos boss, Gustavo "Gus" Fring (to name but a few).
I need to wrap this up because to cover 5 seasons would be impossible unless I was a very sturdy anorak. For me, there was a moment in the penultimate episode, and I won't spoil it, but Walt is sat for one of the first times across the whole saga without the luxury of choice. He is out of lies. Completely at a loss with not one single foreseeable way out from the trail of destruction he has caused. And suddenly, an epiphany! Cue the raspy chords from that familiar guitar solo and as I did, you will literally leap in the air. I knew that the show had positively gripped me.
Breaking Bad is one of the cleverest, coolest and most exciting TV shows I have ever seen, and I implore you if you're one of those 'yeah, I want to watch it but just haven't had time' people, to get yourself the box set, a Netflix account,...a life, and just watch the first couple of episodes because you my friend, will never, ever regret it.
Breaking Bad Seasons 1-5 receives 5/5 Macho Man Randy Savages because it's Breaking Bad.
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