On a dark, dark night, down a dark, dark street, there was a dark, dark house, where everyone was sleeping, except for night-people like Bruce Wayne or Jake Gyllenhaal. And the diehard's who couldn't bare to receive their Oscar round-ups courtesy of some half-wit breakfast television presenter. Probably a weather girl key-coded into a green screen projection of Hollywood's Dolby Theatre...somewhere in Charlton. Were you one of the individuals who nodded off mid-Neil Patrick Harris performing for LaLa Land's elite? Yes, it did feel like he was performing at his parents request come an awkward 90s dinner party. One with Lighthouse Family playing in the background and everybody eating twiglets. Still, as with all these award ceremonies now; it pays dividends to take on the role of host. With NPH's success in How I Met Your Mother, his surprisingly decent performance as an obsessed lover in Gone Girl and his track record having pirouetted into the arms of Wolverine at the Tony Awards; he took to proceedings like a duck to water. A little uncomfortably at first but no real mishaps to report. So far.
But, enough of the blowing smoke up Harris' derriere. We're here to talk AWARDS. Best Picture was again, one of the most exciting categories on the night with BIRDMAN taking first prize. Well deserved due to the array of top drawer performances and cinematic wizardry, with Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu also taking home
Best Director which probably enraged a lot of right wing Americans.
Speaking of which, American Sniper may have grossed more at the box office than any other of the nominated films yet the Bradley Cooper's desperate measures to try and nab a statue had less class than that hobo looking for a fix in Menace II Society. Yep, the blowjob one. The Imitation Game still managed to take home Best Adapted Screenplay and rightly so after a star-studded cast including Cumberbatch and Knightly (who sorely missed out on the night) captivated audiences around the globe with his magnificent portrayal of English Codebreaker, Alan Turing. Interesting to see the lack of accolades for Boyhood after its success at the BAFTAs but lets not be greedy shall we.
EDDIE REDMAYNE won Best Actor and deservedly so after a simply breathtaking performance as Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything. For such a young chap with a bright future ahead of him, I don't think anyone minded him ambling around the stage like a flamingo. Bet he's a revelation come a yoga class. Look at them knees! With a humble speech dedicating his award to the bearers of ALS, I like this well-educated cat a lot. Regardless of the whole Jupiter Ascending thing.
And, who could argue that it was about time fiery-haired beauty JULIANNE MOORE won an award for a leading lady. Winning Best Actress for her portrayal of the titular character in Still Alice dealing with the early onset Alzheimer's disease, she shone. Even if Kristen Stewart attempted to steal every scene with her baggy-eyed misery guts. With Moore's track record working on incredible projects such as The Coen Brothers 'The Big Lebowski' & as the wilting porn actress in Paul Thomas Anderson's 'Boogie Nights'; she has gone from indie firecracker to academy favourite. Mind you, this is all down to the committee unexpectedly having their memories wiped Men in Black-style after whatever Hannibal was.
Best Supporting roles went to recent BAFTA winners J.K Simmons for his role as irate teacher, Fletcher, in percussion epic Whiplash, whilst Patricia Arquette added to her collection with her moving performance across Richard Linklater's 12yrs-in-the-making drama, Boyhood, which swept up in the UK only a few weeks ago.
Other pivotal victories must go to Whiplash again for smashing it in the Best Sound department, Wes Anderson's The Grand Budapest Hotel bossed it in the Best Make-Up and Production Design categories whilst a big shout out must also go to Disney's Big Hero 6 for Best Animated Feature.
All in all; another year, another great showcase for rising stars in every aspect of film-making as well as the home favourites who continue to deliver year on year. Even Lady Gaga turned out to sing a tribute to Sound of Music which she'd rumoured to have been practising for 6months. Wow. She was probably asked to perform because she often smells of well-reared meat and John Travolta would have way less trouble introducing a person with 4 syllables to their name. Win, win. I guess the one question on your lips right now is "But, WHO was everybody wearing, Adam?" And for that, I'd recommend you tune into breakfast television in the morning...
The Oscars 2015 receives 2/5 Macho Man Randy Savages because although the British were deservedly triumphant on the night, no-one fell over their own legs or broke down into a soppy mess, which was bloody disappointing.
